The 6 differences you didn’t know between nEGOtiation and mindful negotiation that likely cost your organization money. Mindfulness

Be friending my dark side so it lightens up by Karolina Adams: https://karolinaadams.com/

In the last blog, we’ve looked at the concept of nEGOtiation and ego. Today we will explore what is mindfulness and how it is impacting nEGOtiation.

Mindfulness in negotiation is more than just a new-age way of thinking. It’s a way of being that can change the outcome of negotiation for the better.

Before diving into mindful negotiation, let’s look at mindfulness and how it can help take back control.

Mindfulness is focusing our attention in a compassionate and nonjudgmental way. It’s about witnessing our experience in the moment, from the little voice in our head to the emotions we feel, to the sensations in our body. Mindfulness is the ability to observe and be curious about what is going on inside of us.

Neuroscience helps us understand the roots of mindfulness. In the last 20 years, the emergence of Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) technology has allowed researchers to understand more clearly which part of the brain is responsible for which activities.

Basically, our reptilian brain and the limbic brain (at the base of the brain) are responsible for self-preservation and instinctual emotional responses. Their primary responsibilities are identifying if a situation is a threat or not and providing the appropriate emotional response. This is where our ego is coming from. Our reptilian brain is a fast-mover – this part of our brain doesn’t take the time to think as much as it reacts. Most of the time, we are unaware of its activity as the reptilian brain is beyond our consciousness.

As we saw last Friday in the blog about nEGOtiation, there are many emotions and feelings present before and during a negotiation. Our ego sees negotiation as a potential threat. Therefore, it is working hard to control our reactions and behavior without us being aware of it.

The frontal lobe is responsible for intellectual and executive functions, conscious thinking, and self-awareness. The frontal is considered a slow mover as its role is to consciously examine what is happening externally without reacting to a real or imagined threat.

That is one of the main reasons why mediation works so well. Good mediators will help clients slow down and use their frontal lobe to express how they feel, rather than get triggered by the fast-moving reptilian and mammalian portions of their brains.

Mindfulness from the frontal lobe tells our reptilian brain that we are okay, in control, there is no actual threat. Most importantly, mindfulness allows us to slow time down in the moments when our instinctual emotional responses are triggered.

Mindfulness can help us gain additional clarity and pivot from a reacting position to calm control of our emotions by slowing down time. Being mindful allows us to expand our vision of the situation and see beyond emotions (ours and theirs). For me, this is the definition of executive presence where people can operate under stress.  It allows us to be creative and access choices that we couldn’t see otherwise.

Mindfulness is helping us to take back control of our emotions and make decisions without doubting ourselves. Because of our ego, when we negotiate, we are emotionally attached to the outcome most of the time. Think about performance appraisal or the last time you interviewed for a new job and received an offer. Our ego wants us to prove ourselves, to demonstrate our value, to win. Sometimes our self-worth is tied to the outcome of these negotiations. Our emotions are likely controlling us in those situations, preventing us from experiencing clarity and options. For these reasons, we shouldn’t negotiate ourselves when we are emotionally attached to the outcome.

It can help have someone negotiate on our behalf or assist us during the preparation or between meetings to remove the ego response. Having someone working with us, helping us be assertive, and not letting fear control us can change the outcome and help us take back control.

We don’t have to meditate six hours a day to be mindful. We can be mindful while in action, in our everyday life. It’s not like one more thing we need to do. Being mindful is simply putting our attention on the current moment, on what we feel and sense internally.

For most of us, we go through life like it’s a fast-paced race. We barely notice what is happening in search of the next moment, because we are not focused on the moment. We are focused on what could happen in the future.

Imagine having access to a personal coach in real-time during a negotiation that can help you be aware of what is going on inside of you, therefore reducing your level of stress.

In my book Mindful NEGOtiation, I have developed a simple and innovative methodology to help you be mindful and use it when you need it the most.

Being present in the moment or being mindful can help all of us remove EGO from nEGOtiation and take back control of our emotions.

Now that we understand what nEGOtiation is and the definition and role of mindfulness, on Friday, we will explore the 1st difference between nEGOtiation and mindful negotiation.